I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
