You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
