Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
