im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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