She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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