Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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