You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My breasts were aching with rage.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
