Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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