apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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