and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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