hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
