someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
