dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
