So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
