I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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