it wasn't lemon gatorade
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
