whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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