About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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