apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
