I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
