I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
