i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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