Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
someone owes me an orgasm
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
