He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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