They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
