tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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