worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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