she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
And then he peed in my hair
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