The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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