Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
