Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
