a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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