Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
