did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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