Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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