Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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