i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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