I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
