I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
