I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
