Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
