I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
