someone owes me an orgasm
I just gift wrapped bread.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He? As in you personified your dick?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
