it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
