Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
