My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm like, not good at living.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
