I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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