I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
