ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
