I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so much tequila, so little girl.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
